The Syndrome *Title Copyright thanks to Junaidah*

Deep in sleep, only to be awaken by a sudden jerk from bus…I looked out the window covered with tiny raindrops…one of those “priceless” doze off I usually get in bus105.lately I’m starting to have this fetish of traveling in bus, just to cover the long journey and also to get the seat near the window…to tilt my head on the window panel and plunge into the deep elation of slumber… Sometimes I just indulge in this cheap trill of being awaken in an unknown destination, with unknown faces looking into my direction, the moment I am awake. Continued the rest of the journey with a conversation on the phone with Jun, that’s when the syndrome word came about. I was relating to her on how we are replacing the “void” in the certain aspect of our life, so that we can overcome but also at the same time relinquish the actual wanting for it to take place once again. Often a full-stop is a beginning of something and it takes a lot of courage placing the STOP to something that we want badly…it’s like we are heavily drugged with the essence of comfort that we resist moving away from that form of behavior. Going through the period of “Cold Turkey”, we try to get ourselves inject with something similar to compensate for the loss…BUT who are we fooling? Why can’t we just give in to our justified feelings, why do we have to conform to the norms? Sadly that is how we are trying to fit into the mould, jutting out here and there…eventually getting into a messed up shape. (I am not only saying this on the behalf of Jun, but also for myself).Playing tug and war within our own emotions can only brew more mental stress for one…. to free ourselves from all these knots of questions…I would leave you with a poem by Rumi:

Our death is our wedding with eternity.
What is the secret? "God is One."
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don’t call all these lights "the Light of God";
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
…Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.